My experience of understanding Brahmacharya and the struggle to control my senses through Antar Yog Ganesh Vidya
For a long time, I thought I was a reasonably disciplined person. I could manage my work. I could meet deadlines. I could make plans and follow routines when necessary.
But there was another side of me that I didn’t talk about much. My mind would decide one thing, and my senses would pull me in another direction.
I would decide not to waste time, but then find myself scrolling on my phone. I would tell myself that I would avoid something, yet the moment the temptation appeared, my resolve would become weak.
Sometimes I would wonder, “Why can’t I simply control myself?”
It wasn’t that I didn’t know what was right. I knew. The problem was that knowing wasn’t enough.
I Felt I Was Fighting Myself
What made the struggle more frustrating was that nobody else was forcing me to do these things. The battle was happening within me.
One moment, I would make a strong decision. The next moment, a thought, an attraction, a craving or an impulse would appear—and somehow, I would follow it.
Afterwards, I would question myself: “Why did I do that?” “I had already decided not to.” “Why can’t I control my own senses?”
I think many of us experience something similar. From the outside, everything may look perfectly normal. We go to work, meet people, take care of responsibilities and carry on with life.
But inside, there can be a constant tug-of-war between what we want to do and what we actually end up doing. I had felt that struggle myself.
What Changed When I Heard Brahmacharya Differently
During Antar Yog Ganesh Vidya Shibir, under the guidance of Brahmarshi Acharya Upendra Ji, when I encountered the subject of Brahmacharya, I began looking at this struggle differently. Until then, I had associated Brahmacharya mainly with celibacy.
But the deeper understanding I encountered made me look beyond that limited idea.
I began reflecting on my relationship with my own senses.
The issue wasn’t simply that there were things I desired. The more uncomfortable question was:
Who was actually in control?
Was I making a conscious choice? Or was I simply responding to whatever attracted my attention at that moment?
That question stayed with me.
I started noticing how quickly my senses could pull my attention outward. A sound. An image. A taste. A thought. An attraction. A notification. Something would appear, and before I had even consciously decided anything, my attention had
already moved towards it.
For the first time, I wasn’t looking at my senses as an enemy. I was simply observing how they operated within me. And that observation itself changed something.
I Stopped Trying to “Fight” Myself
Earlier, whenever I wanted to control myself, I would try to suppress the impulse.
“Don’t do this.”
“Don’t think about that.”
“Control yourself.”
But suppression only seemed to make the struggle stronger.
Through what I understood in Ganesh Vidya, I began approaching the issue with greater awareness. Instead of immediately following an impulse, I started creating a small space between the impulse and my response.
That space became important.
I could notice: “This is what I am feeling.” “This is what is attracting my attention.” “But I don’t have to immediately act on it.”
It sounds simple. For me, it wasn’t.
But gradually, I began experiencing the difference between having a desire and being controlled by that desire. That distinction was a turning point for me.
What I Found
I didn’t walk away thinking that I had suddenly mastered my senses. I hadn’t. What changed was something more fundamental.
I became aware of the fact that I had a choice.
Earlier, I felt that whenever an impulse appeared, I had to respond to it. Now, I began seeing that there could be a moment of awareness before action. And that gave me a different understanding of self-control.
I also realised something very personal. The person struggling with the senses and the person wanting
to overcome that struggle were both me.
There was no separate enemy to defeat. There was only a need to understand myself more deeply.
That is where the idea of Brahmacharya began to feel different to me—not merely as a rule to follow, but as an invitation to become more conscious of where my attention, energy and choices were going
If You Have Felt the Same Struggle…
If you have ever decided “I won’t do this again” and then found yourself doing exactly the same thing…
If you have wondered why your mind and senses seem stronger than your own decisions…
If you have felt frustrated because you know what you should do but still find yourself unable to do it…
I understand that feeling.
I have felt it too.
My experience through Antar Yog Ganesh Vidya didn’t give me a magic formula. It gave me something I found more valuabl —a different way of looking at the struggle within me.
I stopped asking only: “How do I control my senses?”
And started asking:
“Who is making the choice right now?”
For me, that question became the beginning of a much deeper journey towards self-awareness.
And perhaps, sometimes, control doesn’t begin by fighting ourselves.
Perhaps it begins by becoming aware of ourselves.
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