What Mahakali Taught Me About Bhakti, Fear and Where We Surrender

I joined the knowledge sessions on Awakening Goddess Mahakali through Shaktipaat Deeksha with a very simple curiosity: I wanted to understand what Mahakali actually means in a deeper, decoded sense—and how that power can be awakened within me.

What I did not expect was for the teachings to turn the mirror back toward my own understanding of surrender, loyalty, fear and bhakti.

One teaching that stayed with me was connected to the Jalandhar–Vrinda story. On the surface, it speaks about loyalty and the importance of knowing where our surrender belongs. But the more I reflected on it, the more personal the teaching became.

We are constantly taught different forms of loyalty in life. We may be devoted to a husband, committed to a boss, loyal to a leader or obedient to someone we have placed in a position of authority. But an important question arises: Where should I actually surrender, and where should I remain discerning?

The teaching made me look differently at the idea of being pativrata—of being completely devoted to one’s husband or one’s chosen relationship of loyalty. The deeper point, as I understood it, was not simply about whom we should obey. It was about understanding the object of our surrender and the consequences of giving our loyalty without awareness.

That brought me to another uncomfortable question: Why do we remain in relationships that are toxic for us?

Often, we may think it is because of love, responsibility, commitment or circumstances. But the teaching suggested looking deeper. Perhaps underneath that attachment is fear—the fear of losing someone, the fear of being alone, the fear of what will happen if we let go, or some other fear that has become deeply rooted within us.

That perspective changed the way I looked at attachment.

Sometimes what we call devotion may actually be fear wearing the clothes of devotion.

That was one of the most powerful reflections for me.

The sessions also made me examine the relationship between buddhi and bhakti. Our intellect is extremely clever. It can analyse, question, justify and create arguments for almost anything. Even our devotion can become something that the intellect tries to control and manipulate.

We may think we are being logical when, underneath, we are simply looking for reasons to protect our existing beliefs, attachments and fears.

For me, this is where the teaching about the Guru became especially significant.

The understanding I took from the session was that when I have genuinely surrendered to my Guru, I cannot keep allowing my constantly calculating mind to decide, every moment, whether the Guru is right or wrong according to my limited understanding. My Guru can never be wrong.

This does not mean that every thought or reaction I have automatically disappears. It means recognising that my own buddhi has limitations. If I have chosen the path of Guru-bhakti and surrender, then I also have to recognise when my intellect is attempting to pull me away from that surrender through doubt, fear or manipulation.

That made the concept of Mahakali feel different to me.

I had initially come wanting to know what Mahakali was and how she could be awakened within me. But the sessions made me see that perhaps awakening is not merely about experiencing something extraordinary. It can also mean becoming courageous enough to confront the things within us that keep us bound—fear, misplaced loyalty, attachment and the constant interference of the calculating mind.

The Jalandhar–Vrinda teaching therefore stayed with me not merely as a story from spiritual knowledge, but as a question I could apply to my own life:

Where am I surrendering? Why am I surrendering there? And is my surrender coming from bhakti—or from fear?

I think these are difficult questions because the answers may not always be comfortable.

But that is precisely what made these knowledge sessions meaningful for me. I did not simply receive another explanation of Mahakali. I was given a different way of looking at my own patterns of attachment, loyalty and devotion.

For anyone considering attending a spiritual workshop or knowledge session of this nature, I would say: come with curiosity, but also come willing to look within.

You may begin by trying to understand a spiritual concept.

You may end up understanding something about yourself instead.